If you’ve heard of EMDR but still have absolutely no idea what actually happens during a session, you’re not alone. Most people hear something about moving your eyes back and forth and understandably have a few questions.

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, which makes it sound even more complicated than it actually is.

Basically, sometimes something happens to us and even though we know it’s over, our brain and body don’t fully get the message. You can understand exactly why you feel the way you do. You can talk about it. You can know you’re safe now. And somehow, one little reminder can still make your heart race, your stomach drop, or bring you right back to how you felt when it happened.

EMDR is one way of helping your brain work through those experiences so they don’t continue to feel quite so present.

One of the biggest misconceptions about EMDR is that you’re going to walk into therapy and immediately be asked to think about the worst thing that has ever happened to you while your therapist waves a finger in front of your face. That is not how a good EMDR therapist is going to start.

The beginning honestly looks a lot like regular therapy. We talk. We figure out what has been bothering you, what tends to set it off, and what you want to be different. We also spend time making sure you have ways to calm yourself down and come back to the present when something feels overwhelming.

When you’re ready to actually work on a memory, you and your therapist choose what you want to focus on. You might notice what part of the memory bothers you most, what you believe about yourself when you think about it, what emotions come up, and even where you feel it in your body.

Then you add what’s called bilateral stimulation. That might mean moving your eyes back and forth, alternating taps, or another type of left to right stimulation.This is usually the part where people worry they’re going to do it wrong.You really can’t.

Your therapist might ask what you notice, and you just say whatever is there. Maybe another memory pops into your head. Maybe you notice your chest feels tight. Maybe you suddenly feel angry. Maybe your brain goes somewhere that seems completely random and you’re thinking, why am I thinking about this right now?

That’s okay too.

You don’t have to force anything or figure out what your brain is supposed to be doing. A lot of EMDR is actually getting out of the way a little bit and noticing where your mind goes.

You’re also completely awake and aware the whole time. It isn’t hypnosis. You’re not giving up control, and your therapist cannot make you talk about something you don’t want to talk about. You can slow down or stop whenever you need to.

You also don’t necessarily have to tell your therapist every single detail of what happened. For some people, that alone makes EMDR feel much more approachable. There are things we may understand are important without wanting to describe every detail out loud, and EMDR can still allow us to work with those experiences.

The goal isn’t to erase the memory or somehow convince yourself that what happened was okay.You’ll still know what happened.Ideally, it just starts to feel more like something that happened then instead of something your nervous system is still dealing with now.

That’s why EMDR can be helpful for more than what people traditionally think of as trauma. People may use EMDR to work through PTSD, anxiety, panic, grief, relationship experiences, fears, shame, childhood experiences, or even certain situations they wouldn’t necessarily call traumatic but still seem to stick with them.

Sometimes people come into therapy saying something like, “I know this shouldn’t bother me anymore.”That’s actually a pretty good example of why someone might be interested in EMDR. Knowing something logically and actually feeling differently about it are not always the same thing.

At Brightside Behavioral Health, we offer EMDR therapy along with individual and couples therapy, medication management, neuropsychological testing, and therapy for children, teens, and adults. We have in person locations in Johnston, Cranston, Warwick, and Riverside, Rhode Island, and offer telehealth throughout Rhode Island and Massachusetts.

EMDR might sound a little strange until you understand what’s actually happening in the room. At the end of the day, it’s not about forgetting what happened or pretending it didn’t matter. It’s about helping your brain recognize that what happened then isn’t happening now, so you can remember it without continuing to feel like you’re right back in it.